Regretfully I am The Servant
by Mistress of odd pairings
Summary: Au Integra is becoming more beautiful and powerful as time goes on. Now in her mid teens, she commands respect from everyone, including the man her father posted as her guardian, Walter. But his growing affection may be stronger than she knows.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: no, of course I do not own Hellsing or any characters there in. I am the mistress of odd pairings for a reason and this entire fic is based on a single page in the manga in which Walter refers to Integra as Princess. I'm going to stick this under AU because I have changed a few things, and speculated on others. The title comes from Walters *in this fic* regret that he became a member of Millennium because of his love/lust for Integra.

Regretfully I am the Servant

At fifteen, Integra Windgates Hellings was quite the spitfire. She commanded respect and perfection from everyone who worked for her. This day, she had just gotten off the phone with Alucard who was out on a job. Walter was left to care for his mistress again, though that task got easier and easier as the years flew by.  
>"Sir Hellsing."<br>Walter spoke as he bowed to her once the phone had been hung up.  
>"If you're here to advise me of lunch, I'm not hungry."<br>Walter eyed her silently for a moment before speaking.  
>"Do you think it wise not to eat sir?"<br>There were hidden words in his tone and she was silent for a long while.  
>"Alucard will be gone for at least two more days. I'll be fine."<br>More unspoken words could be heard in her own voice and Walter frowned.  
>"Yes sir. I will begin preparing dinner than. What would Sir Hellsing desire this evening?"<br>She sat back behind her desk and picked up a stack of papers, thinking to make it a difficult task just to get on his last nerve.  
>"Steak..."<br>And that's all that would come from her mouth. She wasn't truly in the mood for anything, but she knew Walter would fuss over her until she answered, and that was the first thing that came to her mind. He bowed and began to leave, but he only made it three steps before he heard her voice again.  
>"Walter..."<br>He stopped and turned to her.  
>"Yes sir?"<br>She looked up.  
>"Don't concern yourself with my activities with Alucard. He was the one to save me...when you were nowhere to be found."<br>Walter bit back a response he knew she wouldn't like.  
>"It isn't your activities that worry me Sir. But I will do as you ask."<br>She went back to her papers and Walter left.

~~

After dinner, Integra went through the daily rituals associated with going to bed. Brush her teeth, hair, washer her face. When at last she was finished, she grabbed a book from the shelf in the study and crawled into her bed.

After some time of reading, her eyes slid closed slowly and the book fell to the floor with a soft thud. The lights were still on and she hadn't yet pulled the covers over herself. When the clock chimed midnight, Walter entered the room. He sighed softly and headed over to the bed. He picked up the book and laid it on the night stand.

As he reached to turn out the lamp, he heard a soft sound from the bed. Looking over, he frowned as he saw her, features so frail in the dim lamp light. Maybe it was his imagination. Maybe it was the look of sadness on her face even as she looked so angelic. Maybe it was just that Walter was tired of being lonely. Whatever it was, before he could stop the thought from entering his mind, he was suddenly struck by her.

Gently he lifted her legs with one arm, and pulled down the comforter with the other before placing her back down and covering her to the waist. He again went to turn out the lamp, but his body seemed to move of its own accord and he sat beside the soundly sleeping girl, brushing her hair away from her eyes. He sighed softly as he stared into her face for a long moment.

She had grown into much more than he'd expected of her. When she was small, he wanted to protect her. When she killed her uncle, he admired her, and now as he stared at her, praying that she wouldn't wake to find him there, he realized that he loved her.

Again, before he knew what he was doing, he suddenly found his face so close to hers that he could feel her gentle rhythmic breathing. He closed his eyes for a breathless moment and pressed his lips to hers. All too quickly it was over and he stood silently, heart racing at the thoughts running through his mind.

Finally resolving to leave her side, he turned out the lamp and left in such a hurry that he nearly tripped over his own feet on his way out. Once he was gone, Integra opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling. Had Walter really just kissed her? She pulled the comforter up over her shoulder as she turned to her side, curling up. Something she hadn't done in many years, and drifted back to sleep in heavy thought.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, all was quiet in Hellsing head quarters as Integra ate her breakfast. Walter stood by, ever vigilant and attentive to her needs, each party acting as if nothing at all had happened. She frowned as she sipped her tea, remembering the previous evening and wondering what had possessed the man to act in such a way. She had never known Walter to act on his emotions. Like her, he was normally in complete control. Yet his kiss had been quick and almost frightened, something completely unbefitting the butler. Silence was broken as she finished her tea and turned icy eyes in his direction.  
>"Walter..."<br>He bowed slightly as he addressed her, waiting for her beck and call.  
>"Yes Sir Hellsing?"<br>She took a deep breath as she spoke. In her mind, she was asking him a thousand questions.  
>"I'll take lunch in my office this after noon."<br>And though that was all she said, he could sense the uneasiness in her demeanor.  
>"Yes Sir."<br>He bowed again, and like his mistress, he too had a thousand thoughts running through his head. Neither of them spoke again for some time, until Walter's mind settled to a normal pace.  
>"What would you desire for lunch Sir?"<br>She thought about this and gave a smug grin.  
>"Anything you wish to prepare."<br>She knew this would confuse him and he was indeed at quite a loss as to how exactly he was supposed to answer this. He knew what she liked and disliked, but if she wasn't in the mood for a particular flavor that day, would he have to make a second lunch to appease her?  
>"Understood."<br>And this was all he was able to say as he wracked his brain to come up with something she'd likely approve of. Just as she knew it would, it turned his thoughts to something other than herself. She stood with a rare smile after she finished her breakfast and headed into the study as Walter headed off to the kitchen. This just might take him quite a bit more time to prepare. Passing a mirror he stopped for a short moment with a sigh. He hoped that she'd never figure out what he was going through at the moment. He was after all, much too old for her.  
>His age didn't bother him so much as the thought that he'd practically raised her himself. He was sure she'd never return his new feelings, so he began to work on suppressing them. It was useless to even humor himself with fantasies as that would only warp his view of her. He continued to the kitchen swiftly, and for the rest of the day, he succeeded in keeping her romantically out of his thoughts.<p>

Quite the opposite of Walter, Integra couldn't quite focus wholly on anything. She kept going over a million times in her head as to why Walter may have kissed her, in what he assumed to be her sleep. She'd woken with the sound of his foot steps, having trained herself to wake upon hearing such things. There had never been any invasions of the house since the day she'd officially become the owner, but that day had changed her perspective on everything and every one.

At lunch, she thought again to make his tasks difficult, though for whatever reason unknown to herself, she couldn't bring herself to speak more than one or two words to the man. Again he stood by vigilantly awaiting her next order. She noted that he was much more composed than he had been before. She hoped that he couldn't see through her hard as glass exterior to see the inner turmoil he'd caused in her. Was there cause for alarm? Could he be trusted without Alucard? What were his motives? Why had he left so quickly? Had something else interrupted him? Was she in any danger of her trusted and beloved Walter? These and more were the questions flying around her mind as she ate her lunch. What had started this in the first place? She began to think back over the past few days and frowned as she realized what he'd meant when he said it wasn't her activities that worried him.

_Two days previous___

_"Sir Integra? What do you desire for lunch today?" __  
><em>_She had been quite a bit distant that day, contemplating something the queen had said to her. __  
><em>_"Nothing today. I'm not hungry." __  
><em>_Walter had tried to protest, but she still refused food. ___

_Later that evening, before dinner, Integra was up on a ladder in the study trying to find a book. When she reached for it however, she lost her footing and fell, cutting her arm on the last step. The fall alone winded her, and she cringed at the rather deep cut spilling quite a large amount of blood. Not something life threatening, but enough to give her a dizzy spell. Alucard was there immediately in concern. He helped her to bandage her arm, but before she could say anything about it, he had licked the wound clean several times before doing so. Walter had just entered the room out of breath, having run from all the way downstairs when he heard the loud thud of her hitting the floor the first time. She stood quickly, pulling away from the vampire, half afraid, and half angry for doing something like that without her permission. However, an empty stomach combined with blood loss and the shock of what her vampire servant had done, proved to be just a little too much to handle standing so quickly and before she knew what had happened, she opened her eyes to see Walter's near terrified face. __  
><em>_"Integra?" __  
><em>_it had been some years since he'd called her that, so she knew he must have been seriously worried if he had put aside formalities. That should have been the first clue that there was something more to Walter's intentions. _

_"Walter, what happened? How did I get here?" __  
><em>_She had found herself in her bed with the man sitting beside her, and Alucard waiting just outside the door. She distinctly remembered the glair her butler gave as Alucard answered her. __  
><em>_"You lost consciousness for a short time." __  
><em>_He was of course, calm as ever about the whole situation and Walter didn't seem to approve. As he spoke, the look on his face was a mix of scorn and fear.__  
><em>_"I brought you to your room after making sure you were alright." __  
><em>_He gave a pointed glance to Alucard who grinned before entering the room fully. __  
><em>_"Walter." __  
><em>_Integra spoke softly, feeling a little dizzy still. __  
><em>_"I'd like to speak to Alucard alone. Please bring me a cup of tea." __  
><em>_He grudgingly nodded and left. __  
><em>_"Yes sir."__  
><em>  
>Present day<p>

She looked up at Walter again.  
>"Walter..."<br>She waited for him to address her before speaking.  
>"Yes Sir Hellsing?"<br>She gave him the same pointed glance he'd given Alucard that day.  
>"A few days ago, you made an error in judgment."<br>He gave her a confused look for a moment before remembering what she was speaking of.  
>"I apologize."<br>He bowed slightly but she wasn't satisfied.  
>"Further more, Alucard did nothing wrong. He simply startled me. However, if in the future he does something wrong, I will be the one to correct him, is that clear?"<br>He again nodded.  
>"Yes Sir Helling."<br>She pushed her empty plate aside and lifted her papers again.  
>"You may go. I desire fish tonight for dinner."<br>He took up the plate and bowed again before leaving. Once he was out of the room, she stood from her desk and went to the window. This was going to require much more thought. She just hoped she was over reacting.

After dinner Integra again went through the motions of getting ready for bed. This time she was particularly tired after trying so hard to concentrate on a single piece of paper, and went straight to bed without reading. A short time after she had fallen asleep, Walter again entered her room. The chimes of the clock matched his foot steps. He had duties to perform in her room before he went to bed himself, but she'd noticed them done before she fell asleep, so what was he doing back? He'd told himself, he was just checking on her. His mind had made up some disturbing sound to give him an excuse to do this.

A quick glance around the spacious chamber told him that indeed it was his imagination. He was a bit paranoid without Alucard to guard the house...or at least that was the lie he told himself to justify creating a noise that might indicate a reason for entering her room so late at night. When had he gotten so complicated? He started to leave but he caught a glimpse of her in the moonlight and couldn't take his eyes off her. He stared at her for the longest while, not breathing as his feet dragged him nearer her side. Before he could stop himself, he was sitting beside her. This time when he pressed his lips to hers, he stayed just a bit longer than before. But like before, he practically tripped in his need for a quick escape. What was wrong with him? He couldn't think rationally at the moment. He slid down the wall just outside the door and let his heart settle before going to his own room.

Inside the room, Intera was again staring at the ceiling in heavy thought. What in the world was going on? New questions had begun to form in her mind. She was scared, angry, and most of all, horribly confused. She loved Walter, but not in the way he seemed to love her. What was she to do? She resolved in her mind to confront him the next day.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, Integra waited until Walter had served her breakfast before speaking to him.  
>"Walter."<br>Her voice was a bit meek and he took note of the tone.  
>"Is something wrong Sir Integra?"<br>She couldn't look up at him as she spoke.  
>"I've been having an odd dream lately and I want to ask you about it. Please sit."<br>Walter's eyes widened for a moment before he took the chair immediately to her left.  
>"I'll try to help you, but I'm not very good at deciphering dreams."<br>She shook her head, staring down at her food.  
>"It doesn't need explanation in that way."<br>He was becoming uneasy about this.  
>"Well by all means than, I'm listening sir."<br>She closed her eyes shivering slightly.  
>"I...two nights in a row now, I've dreamed that someone has come into my room and kissed me."<br>She opened her eyes just enough to see Walter's reaction out of the corner of them. As she suspected, his initial reaction was one of complete shock. This expression changed quickly as he spoke.  
>"I'm afraid I don't understand what you're asking me Sir Hellsing."<br>She looked up at him finally.  
>"I'm asking you why you're doing this to me."<br>The look of shock returned as he stood and quickly backed away. He didn't have an answer to give her. He didn't know why he felt compelled, even at this second. He tried to deny it.  
>"I don't know what you're talking about."<br>But his voice was scared, his eyes were scared.  
>"Just..."<br>She stared at him as she continued.  
>"Please tell me I can trust you. And stay out of my room from now on. I'll take my clothes to the laundry myself."<br>He shook his head, trying to compose himself.  
>"Integra, I..."<br>She glared and cut him off.  
>"Only an equal may call me by name without my title. And you are not my equal!"<br>She of course didn't mean this, she'd always loved him. But she felt she needed to be forceful, and that meant calling rank. He nodded profusely.  
>"I'm sorry sir. Please forgive me. I don't know why I've done it."<br>She turned away from him as he fell to his knees, wishing that Alucard was back already, but realizing that would only create a conflict between the two men, and that was the last thing she wanted. Alucard would be more protective than he already was. She looked down at him, cold eyes keeping her exterior from cracking, all the while fighting off images in her head of an experience she had resolved never to have. Like the monarch of old, she'd vowed to herself to remain a virgin and be the end of the Hellsing line. Quite the opposite of her father, she didn't care for such relationships, yet she felt somehow drawn to certain people. She refused to call it love, but she guessed that it was the closest thing to the emotion that she'd ever allow herself to feel.  
>"If you swear to me on your life that you will never violate my personal space in such a way again, I will not inform Alucard of your treason."<br>He stood slowly on shaking legs and nodded.  
>"I swear to you Sir Integra Windgates Helling, on my honor as one of your protectors as well as my life, I will never do this again."<br>She wasn't entirely sure she believed him, but she was willing to give him a second chance. After all, if he did anything to her, she had the pleasure of allowing Alucard to take care of him. She hoped a day would never come where he would betray her, but she could feel the calm sea within him beginning to churn with uneasiness. It mimicked her own uneasy, stormy sea.  
>"Very well. Please leave me."<br>He bowed low.  
>"What do you desire for lunch today sir?"<br>She was silent for a moment.  
>"I'm going out to lunch. Clean the china."<br>He found this order a bit strange but nodded anyway.  
>"Which set sir?"<br>She smirked slightly.  
>"All of them."<br>And without further word, he left her. She took a deep sigh of relief as he left. _That aught to keep him busy for some time_.

~~

That evening after dinner, Integra was feeling uneasy about going to bed. Something was nagging at her. A pair of lone eyes set upon her that afternoon in town. The chance meeting of another member of the round table. The disapproving stare he gave to her. The way he watched her the whole time she was there...Something felt wrong. She went down to security before going about her usual nightly rituals. She was assured that everything was alright and sent to bed. However, before she made it to her room, someone grabbed her from inside the darkened library. She screamed and struggled as she was pulled backwards. Faster than lightning Walter was at her side and all she could see in the darkened room were the flashes of his weapon as the sliced through her enemy. She was amazed at his speed with this weapon, and accuracy in the dark, with only the light from the hall to illuminate it. When the light was turned on suddenly, she fell back in horror against the wall to see that they were androids of some kind. She turned to the window suddenly as she heard applauding and Walter stepped in front of her, pulling out his wires again. She stared at the man in the window as she recognized him to be one of her uncle's friend's. He had no planning as far as she was concerned, in her attempted murder two years prior.  
>"Well done butler."<br>He turned to Integra with a grin.  
>"And here I thought you only had one pet to protect you. My mistake."<br>Walter growled and Integra turned heel, running for the cabinet on the other side of the room. Before she got there however, one of the androids grabbed her ankle and she tasted blood as she hit the floor with a groan. She'd bitten her lip in the fall. She turned back to Walter who was caught between trying to help her, and figuring out what to do with the man before him.  
>"Walter!"<br>She cried out as she did everything she could think of to make the now lifeless machine let her go.  
>"I order you to take care of him right now! Do I make myself clear?"<br>He nodded and turned back to the man with a smirk.  
>"Order understood perfectly Sir."<br>She turned away as the battle engaged and began to drag the corpse with her as she again made her way for the gun. Too late as Walter finally gained the upper hand and sliced the man in half. However, Walter's eyes widened in shock as the man fell. With his dyeing energy he pressed the singular button on a black remote. Without a seconds more thought, he bolted towards the confused girl, slicing the arm off of the android which let go the second it was severed from its host, and picked her up, diving out of the room just as the androids exploded. It was only at this time that guards came running. Integra found herself suddenly pinned below the older mans body and she felt her cheeks heat as she realized this. Time seemed to stop as he stared down at her, hand moving to her head to check for anything she might need medical attention for. The look in her eyes startled him and he got up, lifting her slowly into his arms and carrying her back to her room.  
>"Walter..."<br>Her voice was unintentionally weak, though it wasn't due to an injury. Before she could think about what she was doing, she kissed him. He stopped short as he shut her bedroom door behind him, staring down at her now in shock.  
>"Sir Integra...?"<br>He was startled, delighted, frightened, confused...His lips slid over hers again, giving her the kind of kiss he had wanted to give her the nights before. Integra herself was quite confused by the situation. By one token she was rather enjoying the kiss, but by the other, she couldn't believe her first and possibly only kiss was with Walter. Just hours ago, she had scolded him for kissing her, and then in the blink of an eye, for no apparent reason at all, she had kissed him. To further her confusion, he had kissed her back, and now it seemed at though their lips were glued together. He stood there, leaned against her door, holding her tightly as if he were afraid to let go. She slowly became aware of his trembling...was Walter...scared? She finally pulled her face away from his and stared silently but questioningly into his eyes. He looked away and slowly set her to her feet, but his hand never left the small of her back, and she didn't try to move away. Once on her feet, she frowned as she noticed the height difference. And then she noticed, being so close to him, that, though he was getting on in his years, his body was still quite supple and worked. He was by no means weak and she wondered for a moment if her strength was in her mind alone. In that moment she allowed herself to feel small and helpless pressed up against his warm body.

To his surprise, she hadn't run away. She hadn't spoken, and she seemed calm as ever, despite having nearly been killed just moments ago. He looked down at her finally. Fifty Five...He was fifty five and he realized with a pang of regret that she was fifteen. To the child, he was sure the age was simply a number. He knew she was wise far, far beyond her years and by law, in just six months, she would legally be an adult. But still...the gaping difference in age scared him. Looking down at her however, he was torn. The right thing to do would be to back off, to beg her forgiveness and cut off all of this bedamned emotion he was feeling. The only emotion that had ever given him so much trouble. He remembered the last girl he'd fallen in love with and how it had turned out. The girl he swore to love for the rest of his life was now in a form he had no desire for. But here in his arms before him was a second girl, almost the same age, who though he cared deeply for, he knew he could never have. Her destiny was far greater than to be anyone's wife, he could feel that much.  
>"This..."<br>He finally released her but she didn't move.  
>"Walter?"<br>She was far too confused to care how close she was to him at the moment. Her body wanted to feel his warmth while her heart ached for a completely different man, and her mind was in a fit over whether or not she should pursue this.  
>"This is so wrong."<br>He moaned as he dropped to one knee, bowing his head and kissing the back of her hand as a loyal servant would.  
>"I know."<br>She Whispered softly as he released her hand though continued to stare at the ground.  
>"I'm sorry, please forgive me."<br>She placed her hand on the top of his head.  
>"These feelings cannot be squelched easily. I know what I said earlier, but...I'm very confused."<br>He looked up at her.  
>"Don't be. The answer is no."<br>She blinked, taking a few steps back.  
>"How did you know?"<br>He looked away.  
>"I was wondering the same thing myself. But no, it can't go on. I love you far too much in far too many ways for it to continue."<br>She stared down at him silently for a long moment before whispering.  
>"So...I can still trust you?"<br>He looked up at her quickly.  
>"Always. Until my dyeing breath, Sir Integra, I am first and foremost, your obedient servant."<br>She turned away finally returning somewhat to her senses.  
>"I'll like a hot bath and Chamomile. And for breakfast I'll take poached eggs and crumpets with Earl Grey."<br>She was silent again for a moment as she listened to him stand.  
>"Oh, and I'll be locking my door tonight."<br>He had no arguments and left to prepare her bath, heavy in thought. As he again closed the door on his way out, Integra wondered if it really was the end, or if either of them would be able to stick to their convictions long enough to douse the budding flame.


End file.
